I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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