yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
