The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
