Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
