I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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