Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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