My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
