I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
