Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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