He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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