Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
