My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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