you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You were trust falling into bushes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
