forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
