Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
