I must be too annoying 4 u.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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