somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
