yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
