Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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