and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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