and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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