its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
