are you still at the devil's house?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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