The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
