***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
