god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
