Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
