Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
