i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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