somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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