There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think your dad took our porno
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
