Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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