Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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