so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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