I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You are the jesus of drinking
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
