I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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