If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
