I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
birth control should be required to get into college
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
