I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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