Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
