He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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