Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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