it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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