Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
