dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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