Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
