found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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