So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
