I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
