Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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