Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
