i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
